My First Time.

I had an odd experience this evening. I went to stand in the lane at dusk. The weather is a little more clement and I wanted to feel the atmosphere, as well as watch the bats that are now very active again.

The peace was supreme. The newly clothed sycamores were still and statuesque, the bend in the lane where the darkness descends looked as mysterious as ever, the bats were flitting hither and thither, extracting copious greetings of delight from me, and the subtle scent of fresh growth in the evening air was sublime. I stood for about ten minutes feeling that sense of wonder, the nature of which I always find a bit elusive. It’s somehow beyond the capacity of the brain fully to work out.

And then a car came down the road, a big SUV coming at speed. I made for the shelter of the hedge, my stomach knotted with the sudden violence of a car’s engine and the unholy illumination from its halogen headlights. It felt intensely wrong, so wrong. I told myself that I, too, drive down country lanes sometimes. It helped a bit, but not much.

I’ve never felt that before. Am I getting closer to what matters, or merely becoming alienated?